How to Write the Perfect Thank You Note
Article about how to say thank you for baby gifts from All About
Baby: your source for baby shower gifts
Is the Thank You Note dead?
No, it is very much
alive and etiquette experts say it is still expected and a sign of good
manners. And, as your mother probably told you, good manners never go out
of fashion. So the next time you receive a gift, make sure you are
prepared to thank the person in writing.
Must it be a hand-written note?
Yes and no. If a
dinner guest brings you a small plant or a bottle of wine when they arrive
at your home for the dinner party, then a written thank you probably isn’t
necessary. Just be sure to thank the person when you accept the gift and
perhaps once more – perhaps the next time you see the person: “We opened
that bottle of merlot last night and it was great. Thanks again.”
Another exception to
the hand-written thank you note is when it is an immediate family member
or when the person lives under the same roof. However, just because it is
not strictly required, doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be a nice touch once
in awhile. Husbands and wives don’t usually send thank you notes to each
other. However, you might try it and see what happens. Your spouse will
probably be delighted and impressed. Your kids may also love getting a
note in the mail from Mom thanking them for a great Mother’s Day. It’s
the gesture and thought that make the big impression.
So, if a gift is more
significant than a small token and if the person does not live in the same
house, then generally a written thank you is required.
What should I use
to write the thank you note?
The best choice is a
card meant to be used as a thank you note. You want it to be big enough
to include a few sentences or a short paragraph. A white sheet of
computer paper will simply not cut it! An oversized card that will
require you to write more than a few sentences isn’t the right choice
either. Note cards that fold with matching envelopes are the best
choice.
In fact, there are so
many lovely cards available today. Find a style that reflects your
personality. It can be a pretty, classy or artsy design on the front with
nothing written inside. Another good choice are cards with an embossed
letter – usually the first letter of your last name. The note cards do not
need to include the words “Thank You.” Your own written words inside will
convey that sentiment to the recipient.
Whatever type of note
you prefer, we suggest purchasing a few packages and at least 20 stamps.
This way, you won’t have to run out to the local store every time you
receive a gift, and you can respond in a more timely manner. The rule of
thumb is to send a thank you within days or at the most two weeks. If you
wait too long, it is just plain rude.
Why does the
thank you need to be sent so quickly?
Well, mainly because it
is just accepted that this is an appropriate time-frame. You may see
people in the meantime and you can verbally thank them, but consider that
the gift isn’t truly yours until you have thanked the giver in writing.
It
has been longer than two weeks, should I just forget about the note?
Nope, still send it.
It is probably best to make a mention that the note is belated if it is
really, really late. Don’t make excuses, simply say you are sorry it has
taken so long, but you are writing now to thank them.
What if your
handwriting stinks?
Hand written thank you
notes are always preferable. The bottom line is that they are more
personal and more meaningful than any message that is typed.
However, while most
etiquette sources will tell you it is a no-no, if your handwriting is
truly terrible, we suggest you purchase some classy note cards that you
can run through your printer. Select a softer-looking font and be sure to
sign your name. Just make sure that your note is personalized and that
you are not simply using the printer because you are lazy or want to power
through dozens of cards. Only use a printed note if your handwriting is
so illegible that it would be an affront to the reader.
What should I say
in the thank you note?
Your note doesn’t have
to be long. Just a few sentences or short paragraph are adequate. The
important part is to be sincere and specific. You want to clearly thank
the person and also include a mention of the gift and how it might be used
or how much you like it. Here is an example: Dear Cynthia, I was so happy
that you could attend my baby shower last Sunday. Your gift was truly
inspired and we will use the darling newborn gift set when we bring baby
Anna home from the hospital. I also love the personalized picture frame
and it will look wonderful in the nursery. Thank you so much. Love,
Karen.
Should I write other information in the thank you note?
The thank you note
should really stick to its single purpose of thanking a person for a
gift. Writing about an award you received at work or your upcoming trip
to Italy isn’t really the point. It’s really best to keep your message
short and sweet.
When is an email
thank you appropriate?
Here is another point
where we differ from the etiquette police. If you frequently converse
with someone via email and you consider that person “close” to you, then
using email may be perfectly acceptable. What’s best is to have an
understanding with the person. It could be embarrassing to send a thank
you email message and then have the person respond with a written thank
you note when you gave them a gift.
What do I say in
the email?
Your thank you email
should be upfront and acknowledge that you are not sending a formal note
through the mail. Also, be sure to include something appropriate in the
subject line of the email or it may get tossed into the trash. In fact,
these days so many email messages get blocked or tossed into the junk file
that I always make it a point to mention the thank you when I next see the
person. “I sent you an email, but just wanted to mention how much we
loved your gift.”
What would be an
appropriate example of an email thank you?
Here is one idea:
”Paul, Since we no longer send formal notes via snail mail, I’m emailing
you a heartfelt thank you. You are so kind to remember Kristen on her
first birthday, and she is so lucky that you are her uncle. Kristen
already has taken to the stuffed bear and Brainy Baby toy that you gave
her...they are terrific gifts for our inquisitive little girl. Thank you
again. Warmly, Karen.”
What about an
eCard?
This is where we draw
the line. Sending someone an ecard as a thank you just doesn’t work.
Many people will not even bother to log on to retrieve the card.
I’m overwhelmed!
How do I keep track of the thank you cards?
If it is a baby shower,
bridal shower, birthday party or another event where you are receiving
lots of gifts, then have someone keep a list for you of the attendees and
the gifts that each person gave. You think that you will remember, but it
will be a real headache if there are more than a small handful of gifts.
Ask the person making notes to be specific or you could end up thanking
someone for the wrong gift. For instance, you will receive lots of little
outfits at a baby shower so brand names, colors and a style description
will help.
I’ve got a list, now what?
Contemplating more than
a few dozen thank you cards is pretty overwhelming. So, tackle six or
seven cards a day. Make sure that you are careful about crossing off
names so you don’t send the same person two thank you cards. Perhaps
dividing the list with your spouse would help, or getting a friend to help
you put on stamps and seal envelopes. However, having someone else help
you with the actual writing is crossing the line.
Do you have to
send a thank you note even when you hate the gift?
Of course! Remember,
the written thank you note is really to thank the person for remembering
you and for the effort and expense of purchasing a gift. Even when the
gift is a loser, you have to acknowledge it. You don’t have to lie, but
try to find something to say that is nice. This is the time to be more
generic, but very kind. The person bought you a gift, and good manners
require a thank you.
Should I have my
kids write thank you notes?
Absolutely. Get your
kids started writing thank you notes early – when they are toddlers. If
you set a good example, your kids will think that it is natural to write
thank you notes. If your child is too young to write the note, then you
can compose it together and you can read it as you are writing it. Have
your child sign his or her name or simply make some doodles or color on
the card a bit. Throw perfection out the window and let your child
personalize it in some way. The recipient will love it!
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